I was about 4 years old then and I loved dogs… I mean who doesn’t love dogs??? Only a NON DOG LOVER I guess!!! The canine species are such a great creation of GOD. I mean, HE created DOG to be man’s best friend after all!!! Look at the variety you get it terms of shape, size, colour, and breed (sound similar to our caste and creed). What more can you ask for!!!
As I was saying – I was 4 and didn’t have a DOG… not even a tail of a DOG!!! ALAS !!! The pain!! The AGONY of it all!!! The only logic that I could think of was that HE had said that a dog was “…MAN’s best friend …”, hence, all those who were not a “MAN” could not have Dog for a best friend. We were free to choose a cat, a bat, a newt, a snake, a pig, a hog, a lizard, a goat, a ladybird, a cricket, any bird, your siblings, even the silly girl next door… anything/ anybody on GOD’s good Earth, BUT a DOG!!! How unjust and cruel can you be!!!
Well, if God’s own children (that Adam and Eve for you) didn’t listen to HIM (remember they ate the apple and got kicked out of that silly garden called Eden), obviously he can’t expect their descendents to be any better, can HE!!! They say, as the root grows older- it becomes stronger- hence if His children were disobedient, then His children’s’ descendents are defiant, rebellious, insubordinate, wayward to the power infinity!!! So I HAD to have a doggie best friend by hook or by crook!!! Let Lucifer take…
However, to put my plan into action and ensure its complete success, I had to have an accomplice- come on, all superheroes have a sidekick!!! The most biddable accomplice could only be my elder brother- he was still suffering from the hangover of a living, talking, moving, animated creature that lives in his house – that everyone said was his sister. Poor guy was still suffering fools gladly and was under the impression that he’s the boss… move aside Machiavelli… make way for the “Great White”!!!
On a regular basis, my sidekick and I (mostly I- but of course!!) would rescue lost canine souls from various gutters, parks, riverside, fields and bring them to our shelter for the canines (read dad’s official residence) in order to find one best friend for yours truly!!! The only thing that I had not taken into my calculation was MY MOTHER!!! No superhero can fight their mom and win… rule of the game… hey, even Clark listens to Ma Kent … so there you are!!! Mothers Rule man!!!
So there I was saviour of destitute canine, fighting the ever powerful… big_cahuna - Mamoni!!! No lesser then a couple of seconds after the lost soul would enter the sanctuary… Mamoni would come and have it thrown out as they were dirty!!! Ufff !!! Please God !!! Help me!!! Why can I not win these battles??? Why are mothers more powerful then all super heroes!! Hey God – you screwed up man!!! Big time!!! Wait till I catch up with you… I am going to sit and “reason” with you!!! I wanna talk to your DAD!!!
Amongst all this, I had started to read picture books and had already learnt that dogs live in a specially constructed house and their house is called a Kennel!!! Mamoni and I were still at logger head and I seem to be loosing the same way that Lord Bruce (No… not Wayne / Lee/ Springsteen but the Scottish king Robert Bruce) was consistently loosing against Edward Longshank (English King of the Plantagenet Dynasty), I was loosing against Mamoni!!! At least my performance was consistent!!! What say you!!!
I knew I had to make some change in my strategies (see I was already emerging as a great leader who thinks on strategies and battle plan) I knew I had to “go to the mattresses” but this time make Mamoni an offer she can’t refuse – just as Vito Corleone said!!! The question is finding the right offer!!
Ok so let’s find out what we are up against-
Dogs are dirty Dogs have ticks Dogs have to be washed and dried and cleaned Dogs have to be fed DOGS DON’T LIVE INSIDE THE HOUSE- THEY LIVE IN A KENNEL
Gee Thanks!!! I get it- I ‘m gonna fight this and will go down fighting for my right to have a canine best friend no matter who says what!!! So I start formulating a battle plan with offence and defensive moves ready (can’t have your defense falter can you!!) I ready my troops for battle (troop actually - sidekick and Moi- but then I am the general) and we begin our maneuvers.
On the day of the “Great Battle of Haldia” I salvaged a poor, innocent, tiny, white ball of fur that was huddled in the drain outside the battlement of Mamoni’s castle. A tired, hungry, shivering, wet, in desperate need of saving- puppy. Now what!!! Mamoni had hypersensitive olfactory glands and could sniff out a canine the moment it stepped with the perimeters of her castle. This time we had lady luck on our side for a change- Mamoni was cooking and had her nose in the wok!!!
Aha!!! Here comes our battle plan- with lightning speed (superheroes have them and not you mere mortals!!!), I carry the little pup up the stairs of the castle into the tower of our bedroom. We quickly do a recon of all weapons in our arsenal ( no… we did NOT have WMD- it only exists in Bush’s hyper active imagination). It was all there for us to launch an offensive- Fragrant body soap with a touch of glycerin to keep your skin baby soft- the best that money can buy, a warm, dry, fluffy towel – Mmmmm- it had this lovely ma- ma smell to it (heck, it belonged to Ma-No wonder). An elongated container of body powder that had the most beautiful floral fragrant I ever sniffed- Mum’s of course! Oh! And the last item in our arsenal, a beautiful red plastic comb!!! We were on a roll here!!!
We locked ourselves in the salle-de-bain (bathroom!!!) and quickly proceeded to give the pup a good scrub!!! We used the best soap that money can buy to ensure that the pup was clean and not DIRTY (point 1), we then wrapped him in the soft, fluffy towel so that we can drain off excess water and wipe off remnant dirt ( point 1 again along with point 3). We, then proceed to liberally dust it with body powder and thoroughly comb his mane (point 2).
Once these maneuvers are complete, I scuttle straight to the garden and browbeat ( I am terrific at it – I am the intimidator of the world!!!) the gardener into carry some bricks and a flat piece of tin all the way up to the terrace tower(that’s what serfs are for!!!). Quickly and with utmost precision (I am always precise) and deftness (need I say more…I am such a modest person) I built a “Kennel” (point 5 Hah!!!) and gently place my new pal inside his new home!!!
Now for the last remaining point- food!!! Well that’s the very reason I had a sidekick!!! Unlike mere mortals, I did not require food, I drew my sustenance from being a superhero!!! My sidekick on the other hand lived on milk!!! Yuck!!! Double yuck!!! Anyway to each his own!!! So we work out the logistics and he goes down to the kitchen and returns triumphantly with a cup of milk and was clever enough (my brilliance rubbing off – after all ) to bring a saucer!!
So there you are- fait accompli!!! As we sit there, watching the pup lap up his lunch with gusto, a sweet, warm feeling of victory wash over us!!! But as the saying goes- NEVER TEMPT FATE!!! Mamoni’s hypersensitive olfactory glands come into action (despite the liberal amount of powder used). She climbs up the stairs and locates us in our den!!! Then begins the actual Great Battle of Haldia!!! She fires her salvos at us… dirty… ticks… food… kennel…We reply with our choicest armaments- bath…soap…towel…power…comb…kennel…milk!!!
I guess we spoke to soon!!! Lady luck was certainly not on our side – after all it was a battle against Mamoni- she exploded her decimating device – “It’s either you or the damn DOG that’ll stay in this house!!!”
Oh the wound!!! The pain!!! The AGONY!!! How we bled all our white blood out!!! We were mortally wounded!! A fatal end to a great battle!!! As we stood there- torn, beaten, bruised, bloodies, hurt, wounded, bleeding all our white blood out…I looked at the pup who was my new best friend, even though it was just for a while… he had licked my hand, my face and had wagged his tail!!! I slowly picked him up and took him outside the castle and put him just outside the battlement. With the tears of the vanquished I returned back to my tower and lamented the loss of “man’s best friend”!!!
As I was saying – I was 4 and didn’t have a DOG… not even a tail of a DOG!!! ALAS !!! The pain!! The AGONY of it all!!! The only logic that I could think of was that HE had said that a dog was “…MAN’s best friend …”, hence, all those who were not a “MAN” could not have Dog for a best friend. We were free to choose a cat, a bat, a newt, a snake, a pig, a hog, a lizard, a goat, a ladybird, a cricket, any bird, your siblings, even the silly girl next door… anything/ anybody on GOD’s good Earth, BUT a DOG!!! How unjust and cruel can you be!!!
Well, if God’s own children (that Adam and Eve for you) didn’t listen to HIM (remember they ate the apple and got kicked out of that silly garden called Eden), obviously he can’t expect their descendents to be any better, can HE!!! They say, as the root grows older- it becomes stronger- hence if His children were disobedient, then His children’s’ descendents are defiant, rebellious, insubordinate, wayward to the power infinity!!! So I HAD to have a doggie best friend by hook or by crook!!! Let Lucifer take…
However, to put my plan into action and ensure its complete success, I had to have an accomplice- come on, all superheroes have a sidekick!!! The most biddable accomplice could only be my elder brother- he was still suffering from the hangover of a living, talking, moving, animated creature that lives in his house – that everyone said was his sister. Poor guy was still suffering fools gladly and was under the impression that he’s the boss… move aside Machiavelli… make way for the “Great White”!!!
On a regular basis, my sidekick and I (mostly I- but of course!!) would rescue lost canine souls from various gutters, parks, riverside, fields and bring them to our shelter for the canines (read dad’s official residence) in order to find one best friend for yours truly!!! The only thing that I had not taken into my calculation was MY MOTHER!!! No superhero can fight their mom and win… rule of the game… hey, even Clark listens to Ma Kent … so there you are!!! Mothers Rule man!!!
So there I was saviour of destitute canine, fighting the ever powerful… big_cahuna - Mamoni!!! No lesser then a couple of seconds after the lost soul would enter the sanctuary… Mamoni would come and have it thrown out as they were dirty!!! Ufff !!! Please God !!! Help me!!! Why can I not win these battles??? Why are mothers more powerful then all super heroes!! Hey God – you screwed up man!!! Big time!!! Wait till I catch up with you… I am going to sit and “reason” with you!!! I wanna talk to your DAD!!!
Amongst all this, I had started to read picture books and had already learnt that dogs live in a specially constructed house and their house is called a Kennel!!! Mamoni and I were still at logger head and I seem to be loosing the same way that Lord Bruce (No… not Wayne / Lee/ Springsteen but the Scottish king Robert Bruce) was consistently loosing against Edward Longshank (English King of the Plantagenet Dynasty), I was loosing against Mamoni!!! At least my performance was consistent!!! What say you!!!
I knew I had to make some change in my strategies (see I was already emerging as a great leader who thinks on strategies and battle plan) I knew I had to “go to the mattresses” but this time make Mamoni an offer she can’t refuse – just as Vito Corleone said!!! The question is finding the right offer!!
Ok so let’s find out what we are up against-
Dogs are dirty Dogs have ticks Dogs have to be washed and dried and cleaned Dogs have to be fed DOGS DON’T LIVE INSIDE THE HOUSE- THEY LIVE IN A KENNEL
Gee Thanks!!! I get it- I ‘m gonna fight this and will go down fighting for my right to have a canine best friend no matter who says what!!! So I start formulating a battle plan with offence and defensive moves ready (can’t have your defense falter can you!!) I ready my troops for battle (troop actually - sidekick and Moi- but then I am the general) and we begin our maneuvers.
On the day of the “Great Battle of Haldia” I salvaged a poor, innocent, tiny, white ball of fur that was huddled in the drain outside the battlement of Mamoni’s castle. A tired, hungry, shivering, wet, in desperate need of saving- puppy. Now what!!! Mamoni had hypersensitive olfactory glands and could sniff out a canine the moment it stepped with the perimeters of her castle. This time we had lady luck on our side for a change- Mamoni was cooking and had her nose in the wok!!!
Aha!!! Here comes our battle plan- with lightning speed (superheroes have them and not you mere mortals!!!), I carry the little pup up the stairs of the castle into the tower of our bedroom. We quickly do a recon of all weapons in our arsenal ( no… we did NOT have WMD- it only exists in Bush’s hyper active imagination). It was all there for us to launch an offensive- Fragrant body soap with a touch of glycerin to keep your skin baby soft- the best that money can buy, a warm, dry, fluffy towel – Mmmmm- it had this lovely ma- ma smell to it (heck, it belonged to Ma-No wonder). An elongated container of body powder that had the most beautiful floral fragrant I ever sniffed- Mum’s of course! Oh! And the last item in our arsenal, a beautiful red plastic comb!!! We were on a roll here!!!
We locked ourselves in the salle-de-bain (bathroom!!!) and quickly proceeded to give the pup a good scrub!!! We used the best soap that money can buy to ensure that the pup was clean and not DIRTY (point 1), we then wrapped him in the soft, fluffy towel so that we can drain off excess water and wipe off remnant dirt ( point 1 again along with point 3). We, then proceed to liberally dust it with body powder and thoroughly comb his mane (point 2).
Once these maneuvers are complete, I scuttle straight to the garden and browbeat ( I am terrific at it – I am the intimidator of the world!!!) the gardener into carry some bricks and a flat piece of tin all the way up to the terrace tower(that’s what serfs are for!!!). Quickly and with utmost precision (I am always precise) and deftness (need I say more…I am such a modest person) I built a “Kennel” (point 5 Hah!!!) and gently place my new pal inside his new home!!!
Now for the last remaining point- food!!! Well that’s the very reason I had a sidekick!!! Unlike mere mortals, I did not require food, I drew my sustenance from being a superhero!!! My sidekick on the other hand lived on milk!!! Yuck!!! Double yuck!!! Anyway to each his own!!! So we work out the logistics and he goes down to the kitchen and returns triumphantly with a cup of milk and was clever enough (my brilliance rubbing off – after all ) to bring a saucer!!
So there you are- fait accompli!!! As we sit there, watching the pup lap up his lunch with gusto, a sweet, warm feeling of victory wash over us!!! But as the saying goes- NEVER TEMPT FATE!!! Mamoni’s hypersensitive olfactory glands come into action (despite the liberal amount of powder used). She climbs up the stairs and locates us in our den!!! Then begins the actual Great Battle of Haldia!!! She fires her salvos at us… dirty… ticks… food… kennel…We reply with our choicest armaments- bath…soap…towel…power…comb…kennel…milk!!!
I guess we spoke to soon!!! Lady luck was certainly not on our side – after all it was a battle against Mamoni- she exploded her decimating device – “It’s either you or the damn DOG that’ll stay in this house!!!”
Oh the wound!!! The pain!!! The AGONY!!! How we bled all our white blood out!!! We were mortally wounded!! A fatal end to a great battle!!! As we stood there- torn, beaten, bruised, bloodies, hurt, wounded, bleeding all our white blood out…I looked at the pup who was my new best friend, even though it was just for a while… he had licked my hand, my face and had wagged his tail!!! I slowly picked him up and took him outside the castle and put him just outside the battlement. With the tears of the vanquished I returned back to my tower and lamented the loss of “man’s best friend”!!!
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